What Did You Learn in School Today?
by King in Yellow
Summary: The things Shego must endure to keep Kim happy… Some days it doesn't pay to get out of bed. Indeed, some things are better kept in bed. Kim and Shego get busted, twice, while trying to celebrate their 2nd anniversary. Best Enemies series.
1. My Object All Sublime

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage. 

NoDrogs created Kasy Ann and Sheki Go Possible in his story "A Small Possibility." I altered their origin completely in my stories.

For a fast overview of the Best Enemies Universe read my profile. I wrote most of this weeks ago, one scene inspired **Bleak House**. Then I worked on **A Field Guide to Monsters**, **Double-Minded**, **In the Heat of a Summer Night**, **Best Enemies Redux**, and rewrote **Cognitive Dissonance**. And here I am again.

If you're interested, **Double-Minded** has been outlined for ten more chapters. I am pretty sure it will be the first Kim Possible fanfiction to include or mention the philosophy of Hegel, William Shakespeare, the script for Grande-Size Me, and Jello™ wrestling. Some fanfictions may have hit three of the four, but this will hit them all.

Chapter titles are lines from the song A More Humane Mikado, see Gilbert and Sullivan's _The Mikado_.

**Chronological Note**: This story is set about two years after the start of Team Possible II stories, and takes place a month or two before Equinox Carol.

**Chapter 1 - My Object All Sublime**

The blue girl unlocked the front door and called as she came in, "I. am. here."

Two small missiles, one with red hair and one with dark green, were launched from the kitchen and homed in on their cerulean target.

"Bego!" "Where's Joss?" Kasy and Sheki called as they flew out of the kitchen door and attached themselves like leeches to her legs.

"She. is. parking. the. car."

"Do we really get you for all night?" "We love it when you baby-sit."

"Yes, Joss. and. I. will. be. here. all. night. Where. are. your. Mommy. and. Eemah?"

"I'm trying to get some supper into them before we go out," Shego said, appearing in the doorway. "Girls, go back and finish your mac and cheese. And eat those peas! You need more chlorophyll if you're going to grow like weeds." The twins giggled and wondered what Eemah was talking about. "You have all night to abuse Joss and Bego," she promised. "And if you don't go too hard on them maybe they'll let you have ice cream before bed time."

As the twins returned to supper Shego whispered to Bego, "Is she doing any better?"

"Not. that. I. can. see."

"Not that you can see, what?" Joss asked as she came in the door. She obviously had not slept well. While it didn't look like she had been crying recently she also looked like it wouldn't take much to set her off.

"Just asking if she could see any difference in the girls from the last time you were over," Shego lied. Bego did not correct her.

Kim appeared at the top of the stairs. She looked so beautiful it hurt Shego to look at her. Kim didn't even look at Shego, she came quickly down the stairs and threw her arms around Joss who, as Shego expected, burst into tears. Shego sighed, uncertain whether Kim should be classified as a comforter or an enabler. Based on her experience of the last week, however, Shego expected the crying to last awhile. The pale woman tapped Bego on the shoulder, "Go watch the twins, I need to get dressed." As she went upstairs to change Shego pessimistically reflected that, while it might be selfish, she hoped Joss's breakup didn't interfere with the late celebration of her second anniversary.

After crying with Joss Kim needed to freshen her makeup as Shego finished getting ready to leave. The two looked like night and day as they said good night to the twins and their sitters. Kim, her hair shining like sunshine was in a light blue dress the color of the sky. Shego, her skin pale as moonlight, wore a black dress.

"I've got my cell phone, call if there is any emergency," Kim told them.

"And if there is no blood, there's no emergency," Shego added.

"You two have any idea when you'll be back?" Joss wanted to know.

"The club closes at one, so we should--" the pale woman started.

"We have no idea when we'll be home, that's why I asked if you could spend the night." Kim interrupted. "I have our small duffels in the trunk," she explained to Shego. "We have a little, um, mission we need to go on before we get home."

"Can. you. tell. us. where. you. will. be. going?"

"Sorry," Kim told her, "that information is available on a strictly need to know basis. And you don't need to know."

"If it makes you feel any better," Shego added, "I'm out of the loop also. Are you good for a couple weeks if we end up in Asia?"

"I. do. not. know. if. we. will. be--"

"She's kidding," Joss explained, patting Bego's arm, "at least I hope she is."

_"I hope so too,"_ Shego thought.

The drive over was filled with filled with a variety of small talk: Shego's law classes, life at Global Justice, and the latest sick child alert sent home from pre-school.

"I think I have a line on DNAmy," Shego reported.

"I wish you'd drop that."

"Why?"

"That's my question for you. Why look for her?"

"Mostly curious I guess. Three and a half years ago I'd probably have tried to kill her for what she did to you. Now… I don't know. Maybe thank her for what she did for us?"

"I guess I can accept that. It's weird no one has heard from her."

Shego returned to a topic which had taken much of Kim's time in the last week, "So, based on your past behavior, I want to know if you'll be trying to get Joss and Wade back together?"

"No!" Kim said sharply. "Not after that. Joss was right."

"I hate to point out the obvious, but you really only have Joss's interpretation of what happened."

"Joss is family. I trust what she says."

"I'm just saying Wade is an old friend--"

"He's been real cold to you for the last few months."

"Yeah, and no idea why," Shego admitted. "But I'm saying his understanding might be different from--"

"I doubt that."

"Okay, maybe not. But I still say there are two sides to a story."

"Spoken like a real lawyer."

"Thank you."

"That wasn't meant as a compliment."

The conversation remained awkward until they reached the new restaurant, where both tried to focus on why they were there and forget Joss.

It wasn't the Astor, but it was trying hard to attract the better-known restaurant's clientele. "Four?" the maitre d' asked when they came in.

"Reservation for two, under the name Possible."

He checked the name off the reservations list and had a waiter escort them to their table, _"Such a waste,"_ he thought as they left.

Ambiance and experienced wait staff aren't built in a day, but at least the place possessed an impressive menu.

They decided what they wanted quickly, then talked about their weeks until their waiter returned. "… So, anyway, we ended up busting the Alien Brain for trying to manipulate cheese futures."

"Cheese futures? Well, Ron should be happy you broke that up. Cheese has to be even more pathetic than some of Drakken's old world conquest plans."

"Well, I don't think he… Do we really know if Alien Brain is male or female?" Shego shook her head no. "Anyway," Kim continued, "he'd lost all his money trying to figure out how to trigger volcanoes to threaten all life on earth. So the cheese futures were just a way to get funding to continue the volcano project. The weird thing is he'll probably get more time for trying to manipulate the market than for trying to take over the world."

Shego had just started telling Kim about her week when the waiter appeared, "Have you decided what you want?"

"The linguini in white clam sauce and a small salad please," Kim ordered

"What dressing would you like?"

"Italian, on the side, please."

"And to drink?"

"Just water, thanks."

The man with the starched white shirt and bowtie turned to Shego, "And for you?"

"I'm going with the Greek salad, and I'd like a glass of whatever house wine you think will pair well with that."

After he left Kim put her elbows on the table, rested her chin on interlaced fingers and stared into Shego's eyes with rapt attention. "Now, tell me more about your week."

"Well, I was starting to tell you about yesterday's study session with the Legals at C2K--" Shego started slightly. Kim had slipped off a shoe and begun to slowly run her foot up Shego's leg. The long tablecloth insured that her actions were hidden from all the other diners.

"Yes?" Kim asked innocently.

"Uh, sorry, got a little distracted there. We were on Constitutional Law and Alan… Uh, have I told you about him?"

"No, please do," Kim requested. "You have amazing powers of concentration." Kim's foot was currently gently sliding between Shego's inner thighs.

Shego's eyes suddenly widened as Kim's foot worked its way higher than expected. "My, but we are being subtle this evening," Shego finally managed to say.

"We don't know how slow the kitchen is going to be. Want me to drop my spoon and when I bend down to pick it up I can disappear under the table until our order arrives?"

"No!" Shego hissed, "we might… uh, want… to come… back here… uh, someday."

Kim gave her partner an evil grin, "Come back?" she said as her toes continued to wiggle softly between the pale woman's legs. "I'm more interested in a first coming. I want someone at another table to ask for what you're having."

"Are you all right?" the waiter asked, noticing Shego's flushed expression. They had been too distracted to notice him approach with Kim's salad and Shego's glass of wine.

"I'm fine," the brunette managed to gasp as Kim blushed and returned her foot to the floor. "I just can't take you out in public, can I?" the pale woman hissed as the waiter left.

Kim pouted, "You're always telling me I need to get more romantic."

"More romantic doesn't mean going straight for the crotch. Geez, Kim, gaze lovingly into my eyes. Tell me you can't live without me. Tell me I'm the sexiest woman in the restaurant."

"Um, can I tell you that you're the second sexiest woman in the restaurant?"

"Not if you're hoping to get any tonight." Shego glanced around the room. "Okay, who's hotter than me?"

"I was thinking the woman you're here with."

The smile returned to Shego's face, "Okay, her maybe. Let's not have that competition again."

The serving of pasta was enormous and Shego couldn't stop herself from commenting, "There's got to be twelve hundred calories on that plate. You're going to need a hell of a workout with me tomorrow."

Kim gently stroked the calf of Shego's leg with her foot. "Why wait for tomorrow? We may work some of them off tonight. At least, I hope you're interested in burning off some of those calories. You are, aren't you?"

Kim's regretted her order not for its size, but for the fact it proved very messy to eat. While they were tiny, perhaps half a dozen spots stained the front of her dress by the time she finished what she could eat. "Could you get this in to the dry cleaner for me next week?" she requested.

"Shouldn't be a problem." Kim didn't realize how much that simple request bothered her partner.

After dinner they drove to a club recently opened by one of Kim's high school classmates. Alex Safic had dropped out of art school, but at least at the moment Sapphic's Pencil did enough business to more than support her Bohemian life-style and threatened to convert her into a bourgeois capitalist. The club had proven so popular that it had replaced the 'Feminist Literature' section of Middleton's Barnes and Noble as _the_ place for women seeking women.

College undergrads probably made up more than two thirds of the women there, but Shego recognized a couple Legals from her study group. "Oh, God, what a coincidence. Kim, over here." Shego steered the redhead through the jumble of tables to a booth, "Alan, I want you to meet Kim Possible, my insignificant other. Kim, Alan. He fantasizes he's as good as I am in Con Law."

They shook hands and Alan made his introduction, "Sharon, this is Dan. Dan, Sharon." The man with the closely cropped sandy hair smiled and nodded.

"I thought you were straight," Shego said.

"We are. We thought with all these women around we might get lucky."

Kim rolled her eyes. "If you're here people will probably just assume you're two women in drag."

Dan put his hand on Alan's and squeezed gently. "Well, dear, should we tell them about us?" He looked up at Kim and Shego, "We are."

All four laughed. "Want to join us?" Alan invited.

"Can I leave my purse? I think Kim and I will be spending the evening on the dance floor."

Slow music seemed to dominate the weekday evening. Weekends were made for faster music, during the week the majority enjoyed the chance to hold their partners close as they danced.

As they moved together on the dance floor Shego softly sang the words of an old Pointer Sister's song to Kim.

_As the midnight moon was drifting through  
The lazy sway of the trees  
I saw the look in your eyes looking into mine  
Seeing what you wanted to see  
Darlin' don't say a word 'cos I already heard  
What your body's saying to mine  
I'm tired of fast moves, I've got a slow groove  
On my mind_

_I want a man with a slow hand  
I want a lover with an easy touch  
I want somebody who will spend some time  
Not come and go in a heated rush  
I want somebody who will understand  
When it comes to love I want a slow hand  
_

It seemed they had been there no time at all when Kim announced, "We need to move."

The pale woman glanced at her watch, "It's only ten minutes after eleven. We're not going to close the place down?"

"I told you, we have a mission. You thought I was joking?"

"I thought you were joking."

"Let me go to the car and get our mission gear."

Shego retrieved her purse and said goodbyes as Kim went out to the car. Back in the club, Kim handed Shego the black duffel. "You change first."

"Not together? You never let me have any fun."

"Fun later, change now."

The club had been a clothing store before its renovation and had kept a few of the changing rooms. Shego felt both curious and surprise to find her green and black catsuit in the bag when she opened it. Seven minutes later she joined Kim in the hall. "God, you haven't gained an ounce in the last four years, have you?" Kim smiled. "That suit still fits you like a glove."

Shego grinned back, "Our workouts keep me in shape. But I'm a few years out of date on the latest in electronic security systems."

"Doesn't matter for tonight, it's strictly an old, low tech system you need to crack."

"Which of your mission outfits are you wearing, one of the old ones or the Global Justice uniform? And where are we going on this mission?"

"You'll see. Now let me change."

Dan could see a portion of the hall from their table, and drew Alan's attention to the women. "I'll try and remember to ask her about that outfit the next time I see her in study group," Alan told his partner when Shego emerged in the black and green catsuit.

Dan nudged Alan again a few minutes later when Kim came out, "Ohmygawd, I know I'm going to remember to ask her about tonight."

"You almost sound interested," Dan said, sounding jealous. "Would you like me in an outfit like that."

"You know I love you, so don't take this the wrong way. But you don't have the legs for a cheerleading skirt like that."


	2. I Shall Acheive in Time

Disney own everything.

**I Shall Achieve in Time**

Kim swept the grounds with night vision binoculars. As expected, she found no signs of activity. According to her research the last of the custodial staff left at ten, more than an hour ago. The building would be empty for the next six hours… Well, it would be empty if no one broke in.

"Come on, Shego," Kim patted her partner on the leg. "Time to move. There's a security camera at each door -- do you want to disable one or should we go in over the top?"

Shego sighed, "Over the top." It was more exciting that way. When the two had started to date Kim's mom worried that her daughter was only interested in the older woman because Kim loved thrills and Shego represented excitement. Even after several years together Shego remained so insecure that she feared Anne's analysis was correct.

Shego's ideas for romance involved candlelit dinners, quiet walks along the beach, holding the one you loved on the dance floor, or sharing a bottle of wine while curled up in front of the fireplace. Kim never seemed to enjoy these activities as much as Shego. For the younger woman spontaneity in time and location appeared to mean more than careful planning, and sex in a new and different place always gave her a thrill. That little fear of getting caught added to her excitement. Shego sometimes tried to put her foot down, but she always feared Kim would find someone else; her insecurities kept her from believing Kim felt as satisfied with her as she felt with Kim.

"I don't know about this Kim, what if someone is in the building?"

"The place is empty. A big empty school, just you and a cheerleader who lusts after your body."

A gawkish, booky nerd in her high school years, Shego had long nursed a resentment towards the cheerleaders who had taunted and humiliated her a decade earlier. It had taken Kim a great deal of effort, including a few sessions of letting Shego spank her while she was dressed as a cheerleader, to help the older woman work through her animosity. The 'therapy' sessions succeeded in curing the older woman's deep-seated hostilities. Now Kim knew that a cheerleader pleading for Shego's attention was a treat and temptation the other woman could not resist.

A feeble, "This is not a good idea," represented the only protest Shego could muster as Kim slipped out of the car. Shego followed quietly.

Kim's grappling hook caught the edge of the roof and the redhead began her climb, closely followed by Shego. A third floor window, carelessly left unlocked, gave them entrance into the classroom of the Spanish teacher.

"Let me give you a tour," Kim invited.

"I've been here before." She caught herself whispering, even though no one could hear her.

"Yes, but you've never had a guided tour of all my old classrooms."

Shego seemed nervous as they prowled the darkened hallways of Middleton High. Kim attempted to relax her and get her in the mood as they worked towards Kim's goal. The embraces and kisses gradually worked their magic. And the little questions Kim whispered in the pale green ears like, "Do you ever fantasize about making love to a cheerleader in school?" drove all thoughts of safety from Shego's mind.

By the time they reached Kim's old homeroom Shego couldn't keep her hands off the younger woman. She tried several times to slide a hand up under Kim's sweater, but the redhead giggled and playfully slapped her hand away. "Not now, later."

"Soon?"

"Very soon, I promise you."

A minute later Kim paused to get her bearings. She had not been there often in the last few years. "Please," Shego begged patting Kim on the rear, "you're about to get spanked for being a tease or we're going to be making love in the hall."

"No, this is the room," Kim announced, opening a door.

They walked in. Shego looked the room over, to her it seemed no different than any other classroom. "This isn't the room I had that week when I taught here, is it?"

"No."

"Then why is this room so special?"

Kim moved to the back of the classroom and pointed to a desk. "This was where I sat in homeroom my Junior and Senior year. Here I would sit and ponder in my innocent girlish way what dashing knight would come and sweep me off my feet and take me to live happily ever after in a magic castle."

"And instead you got me."

"Hey, I was a cheerleader. I had a lot of offers. Everyone wants to make it with a cheerleader. You reached the ranks of the chosen few -- and you didn't even play sports."

Shego raised one eyebrow, "Are cheerleaders really as hot as people say?"

Kim thrust out one hip. She licked a finger, put it down on the hip and made a hissing sound. "Oh, yeah," she laughed, "that answer your question? We're so hot we sizzle. Or would you rather get your information first hand?"

"First hand," Shego replied, running her hand up Kim's leg. The redhead shuddered slightly as the pale woman's hand went under her skirt and traced its way up her leg.

Kim moved, rubbing herself against Shego's hand, "Is this what you've been wanting?" she asked.

"Umm, you are hot… Wait a minute…" Shego moved her hand around under Kim's skirt."Okay, what happened to your panties? I know you had them on when we were going up the side of the school."

"These?" Kim asked, pulling the blue panties from her shoulder bag and twirling them around on one finger before tossing them to Shego. "You admit to peeking under my skirt when we were climbing the side of the school?" Kim clucked her tongue in mock disapproval, "I'm surprised and ashamed of you."

Shego raised one eyebrow, "Surprised and ashamed?"

Kim grinned back, "Okay, not surprised and not ashamed. I came in the window first. I took them off while you were maneuvering into the building."

"So you were…"

"Walking around with a bare ass under my very, very short skirt, and you never even noticed."

Shego groaned, "Why do you do this to me, Kim?"

Kim leaned over and licked the pale green woman's ear before whispering into it, "Because it makes me all hot thinking about what you're going to do to me when you find out. What are you going to do with me? Punish me? Or will you drive me crazy, using your tongue to reduce me to a quivering lump of lust who screams your name and begs you for more? Do you want me to be your slave? Do you want me on my knees in front of you? Do you want my tongue in you? Say the word Shego, anything you want from me… _anything_… I'm yours."

Shego shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "God, Kim, some days I think you really are crazy. What am I going to do with you?"

_"You may be right, I may be crazy,"_ Kim sang, _"but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for._ And the answer to your question is that you are going to make love to me."

Kim sat down on a desk. She spread her legs slightly and pulled Shego against her, kissing the other woman deeply.

Despite their years together Shego still marveled that they enjoyed such different styles of lovemaking. Shego wanted it gentle and slow. Kim preferred things direct and _now_.

Shego's right hand went under Kim's sweater, lifting it over her breasts and then pulling the bra aside. Kim smiled. If she were to undress she'd just be another naked woman. But leaving the cheerleader outfit on, simply giving Shego access to her body while she wore it, always drove the green woman into a frenzy.

More quickly than the pale woman would have appreciated it, Shego's tongue tickled Kim's lower lips, then slipped ever so slightly inside. Kim gritted her teeth in ecstasy and grabbed Shego's head.

Shego worked her tongue deeper into Kim as the younger woman moaned.

When Kim relaxed her grip on Shego's head for just a moment the older woman looked up, "You are definitely an acquired taste."

"Less talk," Kim panted.

Shego found Kim's sensitive spot and sucked on it.

Fortunately Kim's legs protected Shego's ears. Her screams of pleasure could have been heard in the gym if anyone else had been in the building.

When the screaming finally stopped Shego held Kim tightly as the younger woman twitched, shuddered, and worked on catching her breath.

"I know I've never heard you scream like that before," Shego told her. "Was I that good?"

It took Kim a couple minutes to catch her breath before she could answer, "You were… great… And too much company… at home…" she panted, "gotta watch it… And this was… really exciting." She took another minute to resume normal breathing. "And I don't want to hear a little voice asking, 'Mommy, are you all right?'"

They laughed together. "You need to make yourself decent, so we can go."

While Kim pulled down her bra and readjusted her clothing Shego eliminated any evidence she could note of their presence. When Kim looked presentable Shego threw the redhead her panties. "Here, get these on. We need to leave."

"Leave?" Kim smiled, stuffing the panties into a shoulder bag she had brought with her, "I don't think so."

"You got your homeroom fantasy. This wasn't my school. I don't have any need to do something here."

"Oh, but I think you do," Kim gave her an evil grin. "I'm pretty sure you violated all kinds of school rules just now. Having sex in homeroom. Sex with a cheerleader. Failure to have a hall pass when breaking and entering--"

Shego giggled, "I don't think there was anything to break when I entered you."

"Double-entendre! I'm sure that's a crime in seven states." Kim gave her sweater a final tug and smoothed it down. "You're going to the principal's office young lady. You really need to be punished."

"I really don't think--"

"Hush," Kim said, putting her arms around Shego, "you think way too much." She gave her a long kiss. "You just made me feel incredible. I want the chance to do the same for you."

Shego cursed her inability to say no to Kim as they headed for the school office.

Neither the lock on the outer office door nor the one on the door to the principal's office itself offered any sort of challenge.

Shego shivered from what Kim feared was nervousness rather than anticipation. It raised the degree of difficulty, but Kim would not rest until Shego felt as incredible as the older woman had just made her feel. Compounding the difficulty even further, however, was the fact that getting Shego out of her clothes always appeared to be some sort of game, and Kim possessed only a rudimentary understanding of the rules. She knew the basic rule: do not rush things. Which meant don't even think about touching a zipper until there had been sufficient kissing and fondling. At home Kim sometimes made life easier for herself by waiting until they were getting ready for bed and making her move after Shego had undressed. Tonight, Kim resolved, she would proceed so slowly Shego could not possibly find fault.

Fifteen minutes of caresses and kisses managed to calm Shego down. As Kim sucked gently on her throat Shego moaned softly. Another fifteen minutes of massage and running her hands over all of the pale woman's clothed body and Kim cautiously pulled her zipper down a few inches. Shego responded by holding Kim tightly and sending her tongue deep into the younger woman's mouth. Kim massaged the pale woman's back. When Shego relaxed her grip Kim moved slightly away and pulled the zipper down another couple inches. This allowed Kim's lips access to the base of Shego's throat. That brought a definite moan from the green woman. Kim smiled, the game would continue, but the road to victory lay before her. Another small tug of the zipper and Shego's collarbone and shoulder lay bare and open to attack from Kim merciless tongue and lips.

It required even more time before Kim finally had them both undressed, but Kim regarded it as time well spent. Shego's warm skin grew hypersensitive under Kim's gentle ministrations until the touch of the younger woman's fingers, the feel of her lips and tongue, the soft raking of fingernails, the rubbing of Kim's body against her own, brought a range of sighs, moans, and whimpers from Shego. She became like a living musical instrument and Kim delighted in the variety of sounds she could produce.

Eventually Kim paused from playing musical Shego. "I want you to know how sorry I am I was in Europe and couldn't be home for our anniversary. I bought you a present."

"Wha?" Shego moaned in a daze.

"I got you a present."

"A present? Why didn't you give it to me?"

Kim laughed, "Oh, I was waiting for a special time to give it to you." She reached into her bag and pulled out a pink strap-on with red hearts on it."

Shego laughed. "That's the silliest thing I've ever seen."

"No, it's not," Kim shushed her, "it's terribly romantic." She began to put on the toy. "And you are really, really going to love it."

Steve Barkin, principal of Middleton High, could not sleep. It happened every time a large envelope filled with money and checks hit his desk. The most recent collection of funds represented a band trip. He knew he had placed the envelope in the safe. He had double checked before he went home. But his dreams were filled with the envelope lying on top of his desk, knocked off and swept up by a careless janitor, or stolen by some vandal. He looked at the clock, after one in the morning. Maybe if he went down to the school and triple checked he'd be able to get a few hours of rest before classes started in the morning.

As he walked down the hall towards his office he imagined he heard voices. At first he dismissed it as imagination, but as he got closer to the central office he realized they were not the products of his imagination. _"Secretary left the radio on again,"_ he decided. _"Going to start taking money out of her pay check for the bill."_

When he arrived outside his office door Barkin froze, the sounds came from inside his office… It would either be some of high school kid trashing his office or some thief trying to break into the safe. He listened for a few seconds; there were more likely two individuals than one. He thought of calling the police, but had no idea how long it would take them to respond. Besides, Steve Barkin, USMC ret., wasn't afraid of sneak thieves, and if they were his students he wanted to handle the punishment himself. Fortunately he kept the hinges of his door and the latch well oiled. There was no sound as he turned the knob and threw open the door. He thought he was prepared for anything he might find in his office. He was wrong.

"CHEESE AND CRACKERS! What in the hell are you doing in my office!"

Perhaps that exclamation was poorly worded. It should have been perfectly obvious to any observer what the two naked women were doing on his desk.


	3. To Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage. 

**Chapter 3 - To Let the Punishment Fit the Crime**

"CHEESE AND CRACKERS! What in the hell are you doing in my office?"

The question was completely superfluous. It would have been perfectly obvious to any observer who was not both blind and deaf what the two naked women were doing on his desk.

Barkin quickly closed the door - staying on the outside of his own office, and shouted as he closed the door, "You've got three minutes to put your clothes on people." He stood with his back to the door, staring at his watch and growing increasingly livid with anger.

One hundred and eighty seconds after telling them they had three minutes to dress Mr. Barkin threw open the door to his office again. "All right, Miss Possible, will you please explain what was going on?"

His tone sounded perfectly calm and reasonable, but Kim shuddered to hear it. Steve Barkin's normal tone of voice fell somewhere between a roar and the rumble of a cement mixer. When angry he tended to sound more calm, a trap which had lured any number of high school students into lengthy stays in detention.

"We were, uh, driving by and I thought I saw some movement--"

Barkin raised one bushy eyebrow. "And that was how you look for a prowler?" He turned to Shego, "You have any lame excuse you want to try, Missy?"

"No," she said quietly.

"I should call the police for you two--"

"No," Kim interrupted. "This is my fault. I forced her to--"

"She didn't seem to be protesting very much." He rocked nervously back and forth on his heels, trying to decide on the best course of action. He did not want this incident to appear in the newspapers, it would only inspire some of his own students to attempt the feat. It also suggested he had lost control and no longer ran his school. Those worries kept him from calling the police. It struck him that neither woman was in a position to argue with him for any punishment he might chose to impose. "Miss Possible," the gravel voice purred, "you will go into Mr. Sunjhata's class room and write two hundred and fifty times, 'I will not engage in sex in the principal's office.' I'll be down in half an hour to see how you are doing. And do I need to say that when you are done the blackboard will be erased completely?"

"No, sir. What are you going to do with--"

"You're dismissed, Possible. I will see you in half an hour."

Kim's footsteps echoed down the empty hall as she retreated to the math teacher's room.

He turned his attention back to the pale woman, who looked flushed and embarrassed at being caught.

"Sit down," he told Shego, gesturing to a chair opposite his desk. A plan had already formed in his mind, but first he went to the safe and verified the envelope for the band trip had been put away the way it should have been. He started towards his desk, and then stopped. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to use that chair and desk again without certain… images coming into his mind.

"Will you be so kind as to put my desk back in the condition in which you found it?"

The two women had been too busy dressing to straighten things up. Shego nodded numbly and began eliminating the evidence of her presence there with Kim. If Shego had been a killer Mr. Barkin would have died. There were only a handful of times in her life she had experienced this sort of fear. If he called the police she stood to lose everything: her chance for a job, her freedom when she went to prison for violating probation, and Kim. Perhaps she could simply knock him unconscious and flee with Kim. There was no evidence to prove they had been there and his word was not enough for a conviction if Kim supported her story… Would Kim support her story or would the hero insist on telling the truth?

The feeling of helplessness was even worse than the fear. She was usually strong enough to fight what she feared, but she had no weapon in the face of Barkin's power over her.

He pointed back to the chair opposite his desk. He still preferred to stand against the wall, glowering down at the pale woman.

"At least it looks like you told the truth about knowing Ms. Possible. You lied about your child development degree," he said accusingly.

"Yeah, and I wasn't certified either."

"And based on what I just saw you were lying about other things too."

Shego gave him a sad, half smile. "Some things. Go wasn't my real name, if that's what you mean. Heroes get to protect their secret identity--"

"You? A hero?" His voice contained both irony and anger.

"I was at the time, or thinking like one anyway. If it makes you feel any better, I really did think you were a nice guy. Maybe if I'd stayed around--"

"You didn't," he spat. "And the Dobermans ripped my sports coat to shreds."

If it weren't for her fear Shego would have told him, "You should consider that a favor." Instead an uncomfortable silence reigned in the room until Shego worked up enough courage to ask, "So, what are you going to do about me?"

She didn't like his grin, "Oh, I have something in mind…"

The walls of the math teacher's room were lined with blackboards. Most teachers now preferred whiteboards and dry erase markers, but Mr. Sunjhata remained old-school. He loved blackboards and the smell of chalk in the morning as all the students stood in front of a section of the board and worked on the problems he called out to them. Kim wrote quickly. She had filled up the smallest of the boards and started on the blackboard on the longest wall.

_"What is Shego doing? What is Barkin doing?"_ She couldn't get the questions out of her mind. Writing sentences was simply a nuisance. The punishment entailed being away from Shego and not knowing what was happening to her. She knew Barkin could be mean-spirited and felt free to inflict psychological torture on students -- Ron had certainly experienced enough of it. She just wasn't sure if he knew the agony he put her through while she wondered what was going on or had simply gotten 'lucky' in the agony she endured.

Eventually the door to the math room swung open and Mr. Barkin, followed by a silent Shego, entered the room. She remained near the door as Barkin stood, his arms folded, looking on as Kim finished her sentence, and the sentences. Shego remained stiff and silent in the background.

"Can Shego and I--"

"When you are in my school you will kindly show some respect in how you address faculty," Barkin warned her.

"Faculty?" Kim looked puzzled.

"Ms. Badenphall had an unfortunate accident while helping spot for the gymnastics competition last week. I managed to find instructors for most of her classes, but I needed a part-time PE teacher for a class in women's self-defense this semester. I was afraid I would have to teach it myself. Ms. O'Ceallaigh just signed a contract to work as a substitute for this semester. Unfortunately I couldn't arrange a better time for her to come in to sign." He turned to Shego, "I'll have your whistle for you when you come to the orientation session."

Kim started to smile, "So everything is cool and--"

"No!" Shego snapped. "Everything is not 'cool', Ms. Possible. Kindly erase the board thoroughly so that we can leave."


	4. The Punishment Fit the Crime

Boilerplate Disclaimer: The various characters from the Kim Possible series are all owned by Disney. Any and all registered trade names are property of their respective owners. Cheap shots at celebrities constitute fair usage.

**Chapter 4 - The Punishment Fit the Crime**

Steve Barkin watched as Kim erased the board, his anger still boiling inside him. She had violated his space and he hated it. The fact she had been there with Shego only compounded the insult. While the situation had allowed him to solve a minor problem he felt like he had been extremely generous in not calling the police. He wanted to be sure there would never be a repetition of the 'incident'.

Shego felt equally upset, although for different reasons.

Kim felt a combination of guilt and fear. Part of her wanted to blame Barkin for coming to school in the middle of the night, but she knew her own choices had led to the problem.

As Kim finished erasing the board Shego addressed Mr. Barkin, "I will be here tomorrow at four for orientation."

"Bring proof of citizenship," Barkin growled. "Real evidence this time. Payroll needs to see it for tax records. Your first class is day after tomorrow."

Shego gave a slight nod of her head, turned on her heel, and went out the door. "Leave by the front door," Barkin bellowed after her. "I turned off the alarm when I came in." He turned back and saw Kim standing there, looking uncertain about what to do. "Get out," he barked, and she took off running after Shego.

"So, that wasn't so bad, was it?" Kim asked as she caught up with Shego. The older woman said nothing and kept walking.

Kim tried again, "Maybe Joss or Bego will be in the class. You've said you'd like to spend some time working with them." Shego said nothing as she pushed out of the doors into the night.

"We should check with the court, maybe your teaching time can count towards your community service," the redhead suggested.

"Shut up, Kim. Just shut up."

In silence they got into the car and Kim started to drive home.

Kim could not bear the silence, "Please talk to me, Shego. It scares me when you won't talk."

"Scares you?"

"Yeah."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're independent. You were on your own for years. When you get angry I'm afraid I've screwed up so bad that you're going to leave me."

Shego remained silent.

"Please say something," Kim begged. "I told you it scares me when you won't."

"Stop the car. Turn off the engine."

"What?"

"Just pull over, first place you can."

"You're not going to get out, are you?"

"No, just pull over."

Frightened and uncertain what was happening Kim did as she was directed. Afraid that, despite her words, Shego would leave the car, Kim didn't know what to expect as she switched off the key to stop the engine.

Shego closed her eyes and leaned back against the car seat, "I'm as angry with me as I am with you. Make that more angry with me."

"Angry with yourself?"

"That I don't have the backbone to stand up to you."

"You're scaring and confusing me," Kim said. "You're one of the bravest people I know."

"No, I'm not. I live in constant fear. Do you have any idea what my worst nightmare is?"

"My getting killed on a mission and leaving you alone with the girls?"

"Okay do you know what my second to the worst nightmare is? And I'm serious, Kim, so help me. If you say missing a sale at Club Banana you're sleeping on the couch."

"I don't know; what is it?"

"You tossing me out because I've grown dull and you've lost interest."

Kim stared at Shego, unable to understand her words, "You're kidding."

"Why would I do that? I told you, I'm serious."

"You think I'd throw you out?"

"You love excitement. I'm not exciting anymore and it will just get worse. I'll wear a suit to work in an office. I already chauffer the kids around. I take your dress in to the dry cleaner. Last week at the grocery store I bought an extra jar of peanut butter because it was on sale. God, I got home and put the groceries away and started crying when I saw what I'd done."

Kim grabbed Shego and began her own crying, "Oh, God. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"I'm killing you," Kim sobbed. "I've put you in prison. I'm sorry for the dry cleaning. You had your independence and I'm holding you back. You… We can't run off and do the things we want because I had the kids--"

"Don't you ever apologize for the twins," Shego warned her sharply.

"I'm sorry. It's just that you had a life and I've taken it from you. There are so many days I feel like I'm holding you back."

Shego drew Kim tighter in her embrace. "Don't ever believe that. My life didn't start until I met you. That's why I'm so afraid of losing you. How can I keep you interested? I'm getting dull. That's why I'm afraid to say 'no' to stupid ideas like, 'Let's have sex in my old homeroom'. I'm afraid if I say no you'll find someone else who'll do your fantasies with you."

Kim put her hands on Shego's shoulders and pushed herself away, staring deeply into the older woman's eyes. "What did you just say?"

"That I agree to things I think are wrong to keep you happy."

"You really can say no. I don't have to get my way all the time."

"I'm afraid to stand up to you, afraid that if I say no you'll think I'm too dull for you."

"I thought you liked a little spontaneity… You didn't like our session on the Eiffel Tower?"

"That's different. The French expect that kind of behavior. They'd have probably given us the Legion of Honor or something if they caught us. But, swear to God Kim, I can see us taking the girls to visit Rome some day and you pull me aside from the tour group for Vatican sex."

"Sounds like fun."

"The Swiss guards would not be amused."

"C'mon, Shego. I'm Methodist, you're Jewish. What can the Pope do to us? An extra hundred years in purgatory? Two hundred and fifty Hail Marys?"

"You sound like you'd really think about it!"

"No, what I'm thinking about is trying to decide which of the two of us is the greatest idiot in Middleton."

Shego looked puzzled.

"I mean," Kim tried to explain, "I like some of the_ al fresco_ stuff and everything. But sometimes I'm just feeling so guilty over what I've done to you I think sex is the only thing I can offer you to keep you interested in me."

Shego just stared and Kim continued. "I always admire your independence, You'll tell off anyone. I don't have your courage and I feel timid around you. I feel like if you wanted to take off tomorrow you'd be gone. God, Shego, I'm as scared of losing you as you say you are of losing me. I feel like sex is the best incentive I can offer you to stay."

They stared at each other silently for a few seconds. Shego started laughing, and Kim joined her, putting her arms back around Shego and holding her tightly.

"We are definitely the two biggest idiots in Middleton," Shego laughed.

"Should we ask Ron to decide which of us is worse?"

"I don't care, I just want you to kiss me and tell me that you love me."

"Your wish is not only my command, it is my distinct --"

"Kim, you talk too much."

They both stopped talking. And the windows of the car gradually began to steam up.

The flashlight shining in through the driver's side window broke them apart.

"You two?" the officer growled at them. "I was expecting a pair of high school kids in the back seat. You got a home, and you ain't cheating on nobody. Take it there."

"That you, Hobble?" Shego complained, trying to squint past the glare of the flashlight. "Other cops are out chasing crooks. Did you get stuck with harassing honest, tax-paying citizen duty or did you volunteer for the job?"

"You, honest?" he snorted. "It's an odd numbered day. You're parked on the wrong side of the street. I could ticket you."

"But there's a crueller calling your name at Dunkin' Donuts and you're going to let us off with a warning and go arrest a honey glazed."

"Swear to God, Shego, you're going to push me too far one day."

"And one day you'll fill an inside straight when we're playing poker. And one day hell is going to freeze over. But I think--"

Kim turned the key in the ignition and hit the accelerator. "Honestly," she complained, "you and Hobble are worse than the twins. And at least they have the excuse of being three."

Shego laughed, "Cut us some slack, Princess. We're just having fun. But he's right. We need to head home. I'm tired and have a headache. I need to go to bed."

"Bed sounds great," Kim giggled.

Shego sighed. "I'm talking about sleep."

The light was on in the living room as they unlocked the door. Bego sat in the living room, plugged into the outlet, a chess set in mid-game sat on the coffee table in front of her. "How were the girls?" Kim asked.

"You. really. wanted. children?" the robot asked.

"That bad?"

"Kasy. attempted. to. toast. her. ice. cream. You will. probably. need. to. buy. a new. toaster."

Kim sighed. Shego had stopped to lock the front door, she peered into the living room over Kim's shoulder in time to hear the fate of the toaster. She looked at the chessboard for a minute. "Are you playing any better?"

"Helen. still. beats. me, but. I. believe. I. make. her. work. a. little. harder. for. the. win."

"How's Joss?" Kim wanted to know.

"She. went. to. sleep. early. in. your. guest. room. She. is. so. exhausted. that. I. believe. she. will. sleep. well. tonight."

Shego yawned, "We'll see you in the morning."

"Kim. before. you. go. why. are. you. dressed. like. a. cheerleader?"

"Don't ask," Kim instructed her. "Sometimes we have ideas that just don't work out.

Kim and Shego were halfway up the stairs when Kim stopped so suddenly Shego nearly bumped into her. "We have a ghost playing chess with my robot cousin in our living room."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"We accept that as normal."

"Kim, it's late. I have a headache. What is your point?"

"We've got two daughters, even though we're both women. And you're green."

"Doh! Really. Next you're going to tell me that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west."

"Last week I arrested a brain floating in a bowl of fluid on top of what looked like a garbage can on wheels."

"Kim, I'm starting to get pissed off again. What is your point?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe it shows that I need someone in my life who is normal and dependable; who wears a suit to the office and worries about the price of peanut butter. Or maybe, if my normal life is really weird, that means you are unusual and exotic because you're not. Does any of that make sense?"

"Kim, it's late, I'm royally stressed, and I've got a headache on top of that. I'm not sure if either of the options you just said makes sense."

Kim stepped down to the stair Shego stood on, "Well they both mean the same thing. Whatever is happening with me, I need and want you." She put her arms around the pale woman and held her tight. "I love you. Happy anniversary, Shego."

Shego returned the embrace. "Happy anniversary, Kim. I love you too."

"Let's go to bed now," Kim whispered in her ear. "I'm going to make you scream my name loud enough to wake up the kids."

"It's okay, Kim. You don't need sex to keep me."

Kim pulled Shego close and gave her a long kiss, "How about if I'm doing it because I love you and want to show you how much I love you?"

Shego made a dangerous move for a stairway. She grabbed Kim and picked her up. Kim didn't resist. To do so might have sent them both falling down the steps. And she felt no need to resist being carried to bed in the arms of her lover.

--- The End ---


End file.
